I Can't Tell You I Love You
by nellabean
Summary: Ryuga could fool anyone into thinking that his heart held no fear. Damn it, he'd even fooled himself into believing it at some point. Yet, the truth was that Ryuga did fear something. To say those three little words would bring forth the fact that he didn't own himself anymore. Hikaru owned his heart, and thus had total control over him. That absolutely horrified him. (AU)


**My apologies for the cliche title. I couldn't think of anything better!**

**I was listening to a Maroon 5 song (Won't go home without you) and it practically shot this idea into my face. I had to write it, I just had to. I can't help but feel like it has little in the way of a plot, and Ryuga's pretty OOC but if you use your imagination, this might actually turn into a story for you.**

**This is probably my first attempt at a story where romance is the main genre. I find romance hard to write for one reason; _I have never been in love_. So I don't know how to express it on an emotional level. But my love for this pairing compelled me to write this, so please, try to enjoy? hehe. ;)**

* * *

Hikaru was standing in the middle of a supermarket aisle looking a little lost. She held a shopping basket full of odd bits and pieces and the weight of it on her arm threw her off balance, causing her to limp when she walked. At the ripe age of 19, she had begun to dread the weekly trips to the grocery store that she used to love in her younger years.

Staring at her own handwriting sprawled across a piece of paper in her free hand, she spoke aloud to herself.

"Flour. Where's the flour…"

She raised her index finger as she laid eyes on the white packaging of said sought after flour. She went to pull it off the shelf, when through the hollow shelving, she saw a familiar face who had been watching her the whole time.

The golden eyes of the watcher grew wide. A large, though nicely formed hand quickly reached through and snatched the flour from her, pulling it back onto the shelf as they tried to conceal themselves.

"Hey, wait…" she moved the flour again and tried to get a better look at whoever it was. But, as previously, they shot their arm through again and snatched it away.

This process was repeated several times before Hikaru sighed, defeated, and went around the supermarket aisle to to confront this not so unfamiliar stranger.

There, down the isle, she saw a snowy haired male who was still peering through the shelves. He hadn't yet realized that she had moved, but his dramatic appearance proved him to be anything but subtle.

She approached him. "Ryuga… what are you doing here?"

He jumped in fright, then picked up the product closest to him and turned his back to her.

"Oh, Hikaru," he said casually. "What a surprise it is to see you here. I'm just doing my shopping, you know. "

She pouted. "Yeah, you sure you're not stalking me?"

He turned his head so that she could see his angular profile. "Get over yourself. I just had to pick up something for home."

"Really?"

He rotated around to face her completely now. "Yes as a matter of fact. I'd run out of uh," he looked down at whatever he had in his hands.

Hikaru read the packaging on the soft, rectangular product Ryuga was holding. "Women's sanitary pads?"

Upon realizing, Ryuga yelped and dropped the package like it had suddenly caught fire. He proceeded to wipe his hands on his shirt as he justified himself, "It's for the neighbour!"

"Old man Mizuki uses sanitary pads?"

"For your information, yes, he does." With that, he turned in a huff and stormed down the aisle so fast, he was almost sprinting. Hikaru bent down and picked up Ryuga's product of interest.

"Ryuga, you forgot your lady's sanitary pads!"

He put his head down and quickened his pace.

* * *

Later that day, after she had finished her grocery shopping, Hikaru was enjoying the company of Madoka as both girls caught up for a coffee at a parkside café. Indeed, it was a beautiful day. The kind of day where the temperature is warm enough to wear a skirt, but cool enough to don a light jacket.

As girls do, Hikaru decided to unload all of her stresses on her goggle sporting friend. "... And so I had to move out. He's just being so difficult. I told him it was over, I just couldn't take his insensitivity anymore. His possessiveness... he was so controlling. Besides, what kind of relationship do you have if your partner can't even tell you he loves you?"

Madoka nodded, sipping on her coffee and playing with the sugar sachets. "So if you honestly think he was just using you, why do you suppose he's going to all this trouble to hunt you down?"

She shook her head. "I have no idea. He's so confusing."

Madoka's tone dropped to a serious pitch as she lent across their circular coffee table slightly. "Do you still have feelings for him?"

Reclining back into her seat with a huff and looking down, Hikaru replied, "You know what, I do. It's been a month since we split up and it still kills me to not be able to wake up next to him every morning. But by the end of it, I realized that I was just hurting myself by staying with him. So as hard as it is, I've got to turn a blind eye to all this."

Madoka played with her hair, twirling her now slightly longer locks around her fingers and releasing it so it would bounce back into place. "He sure is persistent, though."

Hikaru looked up. "What makes you say that?"

"Turn around," she nodded over Hikaru's shoulder to the park.

Hikaru did as she was told, and behind her, among a large group of playing children, she saw Ryuga sitting at a park bench wearing an over-sized sunhat with a newspaper pulled across his face. The girls watched as an elderly woman came up behind Ryuga and ripped the hat off his head. They couldn't hear what she was saying, but by the way she was shaking her finger at him, they presumed she was giving him quite the lecture. She slung her handbag over her shoulder and swung it right across Ryuga's face before she hobbled away innocently.

Madoka, as well as all the surrounding children burst out into laughter whilst they watched Ryuga get up and staunch after the old lady with his newspaper in hand.

Hikaru turned back and shook her head. "I've gotta go. I'll be late for work…"

* * *

About two hours later, Hikaru was deep in paperwork. Across the room, Ryuusei was lying back in his chair with his feet on the desk snoring so loudly that she was sure the people in the other offices could hear him. He had told her previously that a delivery boy would be around shortly to deliver more basic office supplies such as pens and post-it-notes. Hikaru was to answer the door.

The intercom buzzed, and Ryuusei stirred but he didn't wake. She got to her feet and looked through the camera to see the courier boy dressed in a red and white striped uniform with a dorky company cap. In his arms, he held a box that presumably contained the office supplies. She buzzed him in and went to the hallway to wait for him.

After about ten minutes without any sign of the courier boy, Hikaru went back to her office with the sole desire of placing a complaint to the company. As soon as she closed the door, a knock followed.

'_'Bout time..._'

Opening the door, she was met with a sight that made her slap her forehead in frustration. Instead of the courier boy, it was Ryuga. He was wearing the courier boy's uniform that was about four sizes too small, so the shirt looked like a crop top that barely stretched over his pecks. He held the box up over his face but Hikaru had known Ryuga for so long that she recognized him instantly.

She yanked the box away viciously. "Ryuga, give it up…"

He shook his head whilst pulling the cap right down over his features. Then he tapped the name badge on the shirt. "My name's Martin, Lady, not Ryuga."

Suddenly, Ryuusei appeared behind Hikaru and took the box from her. "Hi Ryuga," he smiled.

Frustrated, Ryuga ripped the hat off his head and threw it on the ground before pulling Hikaru out into the hallway, slamming the door behind her.

He gripped her shoulders. "Look, Hikaru, you have to come back. You just have to, I don't care what you say."

She shrugged out of his hands. "This is exactly the problem. You never think about what I want! You're doing it right now. You're ordering me to make up with you when you still haven't changed." She pounded her thumb into her chest as she tried to stand as tall as she could. "This is why I couldn't take that relationship any longer. I kept giving and giving to you, but you weren't giving anything back. It was killing me!"

Then, she let her voice fall to a near whisper. "I loved you so much…"

Ryuga went limp. '_Di__d she just say, loved. _Loved_, not_ Love_?_'

"So please, Ryuga," she opened the door to the office again. "Don't make this any harder than it has to be." And with that, she closed the door, leaving Ryuga to stand in the hallway totally dumbfounded.

He could have stayed standing there for hours, just trying to make all the pieces of what had just happened fit together in his head. But the woman from the desk in the main lobby seemed to appear out of nowhere, a chastising look on her face. Behind her was the courier boy wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and an equally cranky facial expression.

"Excuse me Sir, but can you explain to me why I found our courier boy stuffed in our janitor's closet half naked?"

Ryuga rubbed the bridge of his nose and groaned.

* * *

It was a quarter-to-two in the morning and since ten, Ryuga had been sitting at the bar of a downtown nightclub. Among all the half-clothed and wobbly individuals, Ryuga, with his drastic wardrobe choices, stood out like an alpaca in a library.

Thick smoke layered the air in such a way that even though he had never touched a cigarette in his life, he was sure he would walk out of the place with lungs blacker than the ace of spades. The floor was sticky, and there was a notably nasty scent of spilled beer and cheap dollar store cologne. He didn't know how anyone could call this place a nightclub. He believed that the atmosphere expressed a more sleazy, dingy country bar.

He hadn't touched an alcoholic beverage despite the many attempts by the barmaid to get him to buy something. And he wasn't there to mingle with the opposite sex, either. He proved that by telling each of the many girls who had asked him to dance to get out of his face. No, Ryuga had other reasons to be sitting at a bar at this time of night with an even crankier grimace than usual.

And that reason was across the room. She was in the middle of an ocean of dancing people, all swaying and moving like the thumping music had literally taken control of their bodies. The floor shook with each heavy bass drop, and even through all the glittering, sparkling outfits that clung to the curves of faceless girls, Ryuga could only see Hikaru.

Hikaru was dancing to some club song which Ryuga detested the sound of. Despite the provocative clothing of other girls, all eyes were on Hikaru in her silver, backless top and tight blue jeans. He marveled at how those jeans almost appeared to be spray-painted on because of the way they defined each suggestive grove of her thighs. The way her hips swung around in perfect timing made him remember just how well those hips really could move...

She hadn't yet noticed him, so he was free to stare at her all he wanted. But, even though surrounded by flocks of people, he certainly couldn't deny the feeling of solitude that had wound itself around him since Hikaru left. And the terrible thing about being alone was that isolation often left Ryuga to ponder the thoughts that he struggled to block out each waking moment of his life.

So, remembering what that blasted parole officer had told him at the anger-management courses he was forced to attend years ago, he decided to think '_happy thoughts_'.

The memories of the good times with Hikaru gave a sort of pleasant suffocation now. He remembered the early days of their relationship. The times when he would feel so proud to flaunt her around on his arm and watch the expression of smugness on her angelic face as other girls looked on in envy. The playful wrestling that would slowly evolve into an intimate session of pure ecstasy right after she'd give in and kiss him. The many hours of sleep that were sacrificed on countless nights as the two would lie in bed talking about absolutely nothing and how he would occasionally catch her staring at him. When work stressed him out, she would be there to sit on his lap and build him back up with words of encouragement that sourced straight from her pure heart. And in return, when life would get the girl down, he delighted in being her shelter as she ran to him and let him tell her that he had her.

He realized then, how much he took it all for granted. The laughs, the inside-jokes and the silent moments they shared where it would literally seem that they could read each-other's minds. He realized how much he had taken _Hikaru_ for granted.

Towards the end, however, he had begun to notice that Hikaru was drifting from him. Minor squabbles had escalated into full-blown arguments that would last for days.

'_S__o much for happy thoughts_'. Ryuga put his elbows on the bar and touched his fingers to his temples.

'_So where did it all go wrong?_' he thought.

**One Week Earlier**

That noise. That Goddamn noise.

Ryuga lent in the hallway of the apartment he and Hikaru had previously decided to rent together. With his back to the wall and hands in the pockets of his tracksuit pants which he used for sleeping, he stared at the roof. That sound was just about making him want to hit something.

Beyond the door of the room furthest down the hall, was the couple's bedroom. And in that bedroom, rested a sobbing Hikaru.

He wondered if she knew that this had become a dreaded routine for him; waiting in the hallway every night until her soft, barely audible weeping ceased and signaled to him that she'd slipped into a restless sleep. For, she cried herself to sleep every night now and each time, Ryuga could hear her try to muffle the sounds of her hurt into her pillow. Every night, they would come home from work, eat something separately (frozen food now, because Hikaru had stopped cooking for him) and shower, all without saying a word to each other. Then, she would descend into the bedroom while he pretended to not notice her and the sound of the door closing was like a knife in his chest. Each of her sobs that followed only turned the blade.

He knew he was the cause of all her pain and that knowledge ate him out from the inside. He wanted to go in there. Pat her hair, wipe her tears and tell her that everything would be okay, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't know why…

And so he listened on.

Soon the room beyond the door fell silent and he decided that Hikaru must finally be asleep, so he went in. When he saw her, she was just as she always was; curled up tightly into the fetal position with the blankets clutched in her fingers. The pillow was covered in a large wet-spot from her tears.

Sighing, he climbed in beside her without bothering to pull the sheet over his bare torso. The night air was warm, yet the aurora Hikaru gave even in unconsciousness was icy cold. He placed his arms behind his head and began to think. Trying, really trying to come up with a way to fix his relationship. He would be lying if he said he didn't love the girl lying beside him, yet he honestly didn't know what to do. He felt trapped. The experience was unknown to him. He had been through many different battlefields, but love seemed to be a war in which it seemed he would never taste victory.

A soft, unintelligible murmur came from Hikaru and it made him jump. He set himself up on his elbow to overlook the girl only to see that she was quite literally crying in her sleep. She twisted the bed sheets in her hands as a liquid, pure tear trailed down the bridge of her nose. The room was so uncomfortably quiet that he could hear the soft tap as her tear hit the pillow.

It was then when he realized that he had begun to hate himself. Whatever he was doing, whatever it was that made this girl so broken was haunting her in her dreams, too. He wished he could punch his own lights out for it, because that's what he'd do to anyone else who would dare make his Hikaru cry.

He moved a strand of her hair behind her ear with the lightest touch his hardened hands could manage, and he got out of bed. Ryuga made a left turn and walked into the bathroom, then approached the basin. After splashing his face with water, he looked up to meet his own eyes in the mirror. He had to turn away, because his reflection made the agony intensify.

He placed then. Back and forth across the bathroom floor shrugging his shoulders up and down to try and expel the tingling feeling of anxiety that raced through his body. It was like someone had just taken a syringe to his neck and shot him full of adrenaline.

Suddenly, it was as if a nerve bustled inside of him. Fury that he didn't know was there, or was even still possessing for that matter, exploded. But it was short lived. After he grabbed the bathroom door and slammed it shut, he began to hit it repeatedly. When his fist eventually went through the cream painted wood, a muscle relaxing relief overcame his trembling body. He turned, put his back to the door and slid down it, bringing his knees to his chest. He gripped at his hair with shaking hands and put his head down as he panted out the last of his wild fury.

In the midst of his rage fueled episode, he thought he heard a scream. His suspicions were confirmed when the sweet, yet cautious voice of Hikaru called to him from behind the now broken door.

"Ryuga?"

When he failed to reply, she tried the doorknob and Ryuga was pushed forward a little as she attempted to get through.

She knew he was sitting there. "Ryuga, let me in. Why is the door broken, are you okay?"

He jumped up and peered at her through the hole his fist had created. Then, without thinking he demanded, "Why do you hate me?"

"What?"

He opened the door now and stepped out as she took two steps back until the wall behind her prevented her from gong any further.

"Why do you hate me? What have I done?" The harshness in his words were intimidating, and his stare was intense enough to cause her to look away in submission.

She wiped her cheek as it was still damp. "I-I don't hate you…"

"Then why do you cry yourself to sleep every night over me?"

Her face hardened and this time she spoke more defensively. "I don't cry."

She went to turn and go back to the bedroom for shelter but Ryuga put an arm on the wall, blocking her path.

"Why do you hate me?" he repeated.

"Alright, you wanna know what's wrong? I don't hate you, Ryuga but I hate how you make me feel. I do everything to try to show you how much you mean to me, but it's like you don't even see me sometimes. I'm trying to make this work, but I can't. I feel like you don't give a damn about me, and that's what I hate. I hate how everything is always about you. It's always, '_what did I do_,' or '_why do you do this to me?_'. You never ask for anything, you just say '_do this_' or '_do that_'. And never once have you said…"

He had let his arm fall to his side. "Said what? What do you want from me?"

"You've never told me you love me…"

She looked at him expectantly, like she was begging him with her eyes to tell her what she wanted to hear. His mouth opened and he paused like that for a moment before snapping it shut again. He wanted to say it more than anything but his pride wouldn't allow it. It was like he had lost his voice.

Because to let those words slip from his lips would be like sending himself into a war zone with no weapons or armor. Saying those three little words that could fix everything, would make him realize that he wasn't the center of his world anymore. Ryuga could fool anyone into thinking that his heart held no fear. Damn it, he'd even fooled himself into believing it at some point. Yet, the truth was that Ryuga _did_ fear something. Saying those words would bring forth the fact that he didn't own himself anymore. Hikaru owned his heart, and thus had total control over him. That horrified him. Letting love conquer him would tear him open, reach into the part of his soul that he tried to keep safe from harm by pretending it wasn't there, and it would leave him vulnerable.

Yes, he related the thought of those words leaving his mouth to tumbling down the rabbit hole to Wonderland. Lost in some strange realm, rather some new emotion of defenselessness with no white Rabbit to show him the way out.

But, if he remembered correctly, that White Rabbit wasn't a very reliable tour guide anyway.

As she stood in front of him, he could literally see the disappointment retort her face as he muttered, "Well, that's it then," through barely parted lips.

He went to touch her face. Maybe if he couldn't_ tell_ her that he loved her, he could _show_ her instead... but she pulled her head away.

"I'm calling Madoka to pick me up, I'll stay there tonight. I'll send Gingka for my things in the morning, I just don't want to look at you right now."

Without uttering a single word or moan of protest, he listened to her footsteps as she collected her keys and phone, and made her way to the entrance of their apartment. Before she left, she stopped. And in a whisper that would tap away at the back of his brain for the rest of his life, she said, "It's over, Ryuga..."

And suddenly, she was gone. Leaving him all alone in that tiny apartment that seemed so big to him right now. The all too familiar feeling of guilt weighed down on his shoulders, and gosh it was a heavy burden to bare.

He didn't call after her.

* * *

The memory still stung him as much as it had that night. Ryuga shook his head and returned to the task at hand; stalking his ex. But when he repositioned his gaze to where Hikaru had been dancing, he found that she had disappeared. So he scanned the nightclub frantically, and then he finally found her.

He hated what he saw.

There she was. In the far corner of the nightclub in the company of some other blonde haired guy, who in Ryuga's opinion, looked like a Pansy anyway. But Pansy or not, Blondie had his hands all over_ his_ Hikaru. Ryuga couldn't take it. He got up from the bar and marched right over to stop that guy playing with his property.

The Dragon Emperor grabbed the guy by the back of the shirt and Blondie went to protest. Yet when he caught wind of Ryuga's deathly glare, and was prompted with an acid, "She's mine," he thought better of it. He scrambled off and proceeded to leave the club entirely.

Back to Hikaru, "What is your problem?" she raged, her face reddening. Some other dancers who were close by stopped to look. Some males even seemed as if they were about to step in, thinking that Ryuga was a stranger hassling her.

He grabbed her shoulder. "You're my problem. What do you think you're doing? Meeting strange men in bars, come on, we're going home."

She yanked herself back. "Excuse me? You must be insane, I broke up with you. You don't get to tell me what to do."

With that, she stormed off over to the bar, gave him a glare and he watched her order a drink. He wasn't sure of her game, but he was aware that she was planning to get herself blasted. Hikaru was definitely no alcoholic, but as he watched her grow up beside him, he noticed that she would turn to the stuff whenever she felt stressed.

So he went back over to the other side of the bar, huffing and puffing all the way, and he took a seat to watch the night's events unfold.

After about an hour and several rounds of vodka and red bull, Ryuga's frustration was almost lifted as he watched his ex struggle to keep her backside on her seat.

Almost. I said _almost_.

She'd been giving him more than a few side glances as she proceeded to become more and more blotto with each minute gone by. He didn't miss that.

Then, she pulled her shoulders back and stood up. She slammed her hands down on the bar a little harder than she obviously meant to, because the bang she made caused her jump in fright. Ryuga sniggered.

She walked in a comical zig-zag motion out onto the dancefloor and, because she was aware that Ryuga was watching her, she grabbed the nearest guy she could and began dancing with him. It seemed that the alcohol had done its job by giving her false-confidence, because the way she danced was more seductive than ever. Her hands roamed all over the stranger's abdomen, and her excitement grew wilder when he pulled her into his own body. Things were growing so intense, that Ryuga could feel the heat from where he was sitting.

He tapped his foot restlessly to try and take his focus off the fury that was swelling inside his chest. Ryuga turned and glared at the guy and he backed off. Hikaru pouted and stuck her tongue out at Ryuga who merely smirked, rotated on his stool, sat back, crossed his arms and legs and nodded to her.

She accepted the unspoken challenge. The poor girl must have wobbled her way through about twenty different guys only to have Ruyga stare each of them off.

He was winning this.

She had to do something drastic. And to a drunk, 'drastic' actually means 'something scandalous enough to leave you unable to show your face for weeks afterwards'.

She came back to the bar, and just when Ryuga thought that might settle down, she climbed onto the counter.

With a wide open mouth, he watched her display herself to every other man in the club. The DJ cut the music, and each head turned to Hikaru as she began to shake her stuff on the bar, strutting backwards in forward.

He felt conflicted. If she was so unwilling to make up with him, why was she trying to make him jealous? Ryuga never did completely understand women...

When one guy let out a loud 'Aw Yeah!', Ryuga had hit his limit. He stood up and approached her. Without speaking, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her down into his grip. She put up a drunken struggle but she was no match for Ryuga's strength as he hauled her out of the club under his arm.

Screaming and ranting all the way through the carpark to Ryuga's black Honda, she tried to object. "Put me down. Put me down this instant! Or you'll be sorry!"

He opened the passenger's seat to his car. "You and who's army?"

"I'll call Madoka and she'll beat you up!" she slurred, shaking her fist.

Ryuga pushed her into the car and closed the door, locking it from the outside. "Ooh, I'm so scared," he murmured lazily before rounding the car and climbing into the driver's seat.

He went to start the car, but felt eyes burning holes into the side of his head. He turned to face the owner of those furious eyes. "What?"

"What, what?" she spat. "You don't own me, you can't do that!"

"I just did..."

She pouted and folded her arms. "You're a *hic* meanie."

He put a hand to his chest in mock hurt. "Hikaru, there's no need for foul language."

"I told you, I don't want to look at you. It's over so can you please stop this!"

Sighing, he decided that he could admit some part of his emotions. "I know that... But please, Hikaru, I- I want you back."

"Why? So you can have someone to boss around and use, just for your own selfish ego boosts?"

Shocked, he repositioned himself in the car seat and laid his arm around Hikaru's head rest. He moved forward a little. " That's what you think? No, Hikaru you mean so much more than that to me. You are my everything, alright. Everything."

Her hazy eyes fluttered from one facial feature to the next as if she were analyzing him. Trying, or maybe hoping, to find some sort of truth to his words. Ryuga noticed that even though the alcohol had dulled the radiance of her eyes and gave them a glassy effect, they were still the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

She relaxed back into her seat. "I wish I could believe that. But I'm a big girl, now Ryuga. I don't want to waste my time loving someone who doesn't love me back. Life is too short, and it hurts me when you can't tell me that you love me. If you can't say it, then how can you possibly feel it?"

"I don't know, alright! I just don't know..."

Slowly, she tried the door only to realize it was locked. "Let me out."

"No." he replied sternly. "Look at you, you're so drunk and it's late. I won't let you go this time, not until you promise to come back."

She kept shaking the door handle so frantically that Ryuga thought she was going to break it off.

"I'm sobering up. Let me out, damn it!" she screeched.

Sighing, he knew he couldn't keep her in his car like a caged canary. It would only work against him and her words were starting to become more coherent, so he leaned forward and clicked off the central locking in his car. Hikaru didn't say a word as she got out and slammed the door behind her.

As he watched her walk away in the rear-view mirror, he wondered to himself if he was really going to let this happen. Was he really going to let her walk out of his life tonight?

No, he couldn't let it end like this.

"Damn it," he muttered as he threw the car door open and jumped out. He began to walk after her, his pace bordering between a run and a power walk. "Hikaru, wait. Just wait a second."

She stopped and turned to him as she leaned a bit to the side. She looked so helpless standing in the middle of that car park that was scarce of many locomotives. The moonlight gave a soft, silver tinge to her skin. He came to a halt when he was no less than a meter from her and from his distance he could see a bead of liquid hurt trail down her cheek.

"What?" she asked him. The word came out shaky as she tried to fight back the tears that threatened to follow.

He stuttered. He actually stuttered. He couldn't believe it himself, but he went on anyhow. "Baby, I know I've been bad. Just please, you've gotta believe me when I tell you I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't mean anything anymore, why do you do this to me, huh? Don't you know how hard it is to forget you? How hard it is to want to touch you, wanna hear your voice and feel your arms around me? I can't do it anymore, and you being in my face makes it harder to move on. I love you so much, and I hate you for that!"

Ryuga gulped and took a step forward, trying to grab her. "No, don't say that, You don't hate me and you know it."

Again, she pulled away. "I'm trying to..."

Motionless, Ryuga could only watch as she tuned away from him, making her way back to the rear entrance of the club. A streetlight hung above him, making him clear to the eye though surrounded my darkness. It bathed him in a yellow tinge, and the chillness of the night air created a soft mist in its glow. He couldn't hear the sound of traffic that was calling from somewhere in the distance, and suddenly the blaring music from the club fell mute. All other noises were cancelled out except for the sound of his own heart thumping. It was deafening.

He decided that he had two choices of action, here. He could watch her walk back into that club, drive home, and spend the rest of his life carrying the question of "What if?", or, he tell the girl of his dreams exactly how he felt about her.

He chose the latter.

Taking in a deep breath and collecting all his courage, he called after her. "Hikaru, I love you."

She turned, stumbling a bit. "What?" she questioned through sniffles.

"You heard me, damn it!. Why question my love when it's so easy to see that I need you because I love you. If i let you go tonight, I- I, I'd never be the same. The heart wants what it wants, Hikaru. It's not under my control."

She started walking towards him as if in a trance. Then she stopped again.

"I love you even if you don't love me anymore. And if what we used to have isn't still there... we can start over. I promise I'll be better for you. Why can't we fall in love all over again?"

Hikaru was still... Silent as she stared at him from across the carpark.

"C'mon, say something! Don't leave me hanging here like an idiot after I've just poured my heart out to you!"

When a full ten seconds passed without any sort of reaction from the girl, Ryuga exhaled uneasily. He turned away and went to go back to his car, dragging his shoes along the tar. Imagine his surprise when just as he reached his car, he was almost knocked onto his hands and knees as something rushed up behind him and clung to him. Hikaru wrapped her hands around his waist and squeezed him so tightly it was almost like she could have melted into him at any second.

He twisted in her grip, and she pressed her face into his chest. With one hand, she traced the crease in his back and with the other she dug her fingers into his shoulder.

He returned her embrace, stroking her hair as she looked up and asked, "You do love me?"

Ryuga nodded. "With all my heart."

She gripped both of his shoulders now, using them to pull him down towards her. Her lips crashed against his hungrily. Just like when the first started dating, the kiss was passionate enough to release a burning, hot sensation in Ryuga's lower stomach. He held her chin gently to tilt her head up a little more, because he knew she loved it when he did that.

With their lips still moving together, he fumbled his hand around behind her to search for the handle of the back seat door. Once he found it, he opened it and gently ushered her in. Hikaru whimpered at the loss when Ryuga had to pull away in order to close the door behind them, but she tugged him back down on top of her. He placed his elbows either side of her head and continued to press himself onto her, he had to summon every last ounce of his will power just to refrain from collapsing flat on top of her. He'd truly missed this and now that he had her again, the excitement consumed him.

She let her hand slip under his shirt and with her nails, lightly grazed his abdominal muscles as she felt the heat of his body reach a scorching temperature each time she arched her back into him. She knew Ryuga had a sensitive stomach, and he felt her lips pull into a mischievous smile when he shuddered.

He moved down and began kissing her neck, sucking on the skin a little too hard. He'd leave a cluster of intense hickeys there, but Hikaru didn't mind. With his right hand, he held the side of her waist and squeezed. This was why giving herself to with Ryuga was such an experience. Ryuga, as a person, was rough and dominant. This didn't change when it came to intimacy, and that drove Hikaru over the edge.

When her hand that was tickling his stomach trained down and ran back and forth over the rim of his jeans, however, Ryuga's eyes snapped open and he pulled himself up.

She looked at him expectantly, demanding some sort of explanation with her half-lidded and lust filled yes.

He shook his head. "This is going to have to wait."

"Why?"

Ryuga lay back down, somehow fitting himself behind Hikaru on the backseat and he reeled her back to his chest, wrapping an arm around her to hold her there. "You're still a little drunk. I can't touch you while you're like this."

"This is so unfair," she pouted.

Ryuga didn't reply. He simply chuckled gently and embraced her tighter, rubbing his cheek against her a little before kissing her hair.

And so they simply lay there in the back seat. Ryuga held Hikaru in his arms while he played with her hair, and Hikaru stroked his hand with her thumb. Hikaru fell asleep first, leaving Ryuga to stare at her. The moonlight seeped through the windows, illuminating their skin so that they almost appeared to glow.

Yes, opening up to the girl had left him feeling vulnerable as he suspected. But, for the first time in a while, he was comfortable with that. He trusted her.

As he watched her sleep, something that he truly has missed the ability to do, he appreciated her beauty. To him, Hikaru's beauty was not simply physical. No, in her face he saw her wisdom, her courage and her unconditional compassion. Through her, he could see the beauty of her soul and it was that same enchanting soul that grounded him when he felt weak. To relate her soul to the mercy of God was in no way blasphemous in his eyes. The love that his heart harbored for her and for her alone, restored the faith that he thought he had once forgotten. The faith that human beings carry with them a desire to need another person to the point where they would lay down their life for their lover without batting an eyelid. Her beauty was a beacon of sorts that would guide him through his darkest of hours and lead him home to her. For wherever she was, if he had Hikaru by his side, wasn't he already home?

He fell asleep shortly after the light of dawn began to warm his surroundings. And as he let his eyes close slowly, he promised himself that he wouldn't forget to tell his empress that he loved her every single day. He would repeat it so much that he'd make her sick of hearing it.

He had her now, and he wasn't ever going to let her go again. They would be together until the end of time.

* * *

**I have no idea what I just wrote. None. Nada, Zilch. But here's to hoping that it helped you get through some boring time in your day.**

**And sorry for the lack of a satisfying ending. Forgive me!**

**Also, there's another idea that's been chewing at my brain for a while. What do you guys think about a one-shot where I send Kyoya and Ryuga to anger management classes?**


End file.
